No Second Date For You!

Geplaatst op 03-04-2025

“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, cause that’s how it came out in my brain.

Okay, I need to confess something. I wrote the post First Date Misrepresentation more than a year ago. I’ve had it sitting in my drafts folder since then because every time I noticed it sitting there, I was dating someone more seriously or the timing was wrong or whatever. I didn’t have a post for Tuesday so I tweaked it a bit to make it current and threw it on the blog.

I had no idea that it would bring such a crazy response, and one that ranged so many different emotions and viewpoints. It got pretty heavy there for a second. Which made me think that we all needed a good laugh when it comes to dating. We all need a good reminder that sometimes there are a lot worse things than somebody showing up looking differently than they do in their photos. In fact, sometimes there are reasons to sneak through the bathroom window and get the hell out of there as fast as your pretty legs can light a fire behind them.

Not realizing we’d be talking about ANY of this in the near future, last week I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Page: knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?

I didn’t go through the answers until today. And, with both dating misrepresentation posts in the immediate rearview, I’d say the timing couldn’t be better.

He had no belly button. Verified, and very strange.
He was a polygamist who thought the world was going to end so he needed a wife to help him gather heirloom seeds so that when the apocolypse came in Decmeber 2012 they would have food.
That his literal biggest dream in life was to be abducted by aliens and “kick their ass” so that he could be famous.
She was the same person I had dated before. She changed her appearance, voice, vernacular, made new friends and hid all vestiges of her old life so that she could get another shot with me.
That he carried a large butcher knife in his glove compartment. I’m not sure what prompted me to open the glove compartment, but I did. He said he had it in case of a car-jacking. Needless to say, I cut that date short.
He once spent a month in a coma…and thought it was cool.
First date. Blind date. He got drunk after half a glass (not bottle) of wine and bought me a ring that he insisted on me wearing about halfway through dinner. I had to hit him to keep him from kissing me as I walked out.
He was a hard core Harley man. And he wanted to wear my panties.
I went out for drinks with a woman. During about an hour in she says “you’re pretty much an everyone is ok kinda guy, aren’t you.” To which I replied yes. The she says, “I’m kind of racist.” End of date.
That he was actually my cousin… from a branch of the family we had been estranged from!
She was in a secret cult in which her father was the leader… And she lived in a school bus with no wheels in the woods.
Ummmm…that unbeknownst to me, I was on a date with twins. I didn’t know that the guy I was on a first date with had a twin brother, and I discovered that on this (first and last) date, the two were switching off (sharing the date with me) during the course of the evening. The word “horrifying” is the most diplomatic word I can use to describe the moment when I realized this fact. Yecch.
Ok here goes: he was an aquaphile. Look it up.
That he didn’t brush his teeth. Ever.
During the first (and only date) with this guy, he told me that he wanted to have sex in a coffin.

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I went on a second date with a guy…I went to his apartment before the date and was greeted by his female roommate (that I knew nothing about). I casually asked who she was and her reply? “Oh, don’t worry, we’re not dating, just sleeping together.”
I was asked to have a threesome… Within the first half hour.
That my date was in the bathroom stall next to me. He went into the ladies room by mistake.
Once a guy brought me to a movie. He took off his shoes during the show and started picking at his toenails.
He had a bigger tramp stamp than I do.
I went on a date with a guy who told me he wanted to get wolf canines surgically implanted into his jaw.
He wanted to “do it” wearing a Michael Meyers Halloween mask.
I was on a date with a guy and we went back to his place and I had no idea this nice, gentle librarian had five genital piercings.
I was on a first date with a guy who seemed oddly interested in what kind of hair products/blow dryer I used. It finally came out that he was obsessed with his chest hair and used mousse, a round brush and a blow dryer to style his. He offered to show me. It was a short date.
That he sometimes had the urge to kill random people walking down the street (either by shooting or strangling them), and that the doctor said that despite his meds, there was no cure for his homicidal urges. But oh, don’t worry–he would never kill someone he knows, just like a homeless person or something.
On an unsuccessful first date when i was saying goodbye, he brought out a duffel bag and said he had prepared some after-dinner activities. He proceeded to open said bag and reveal a multitude of sex toys to include…a cattle prod! I ran and never looked back.
Once went out with a guy who told me on the one and only date that he was obsessed with cuticle trimmers and could he please give me a manicure?
When I first met my husband, I noticed that when I talked “straight at his face,” he’d quickly shift his head to the left. Fearing I had rank breath, I ventured, “Does my breath smell?” Turned out he was deaf in his left ear. Not so odd until HE found out *I* had no sense of smell. So when we had kids, he couldn’t hear them cry and I couldn’t smell a dirty diaper. But our kids are rather well adjusted so it all worked out.
He ended up having no drivers license, one headlight out, and he made a drug deal at the bar we went to.
He was obsessed with eyes… And licking them.
He picked his nose & ate it. At a restaurant.
My best friend had a guy turn to her and say, “I think I know you well enough to tell you this, now. I’m really the Archangel Gabriel and I’m here on a mission from God.” My friend responded, “You will never know anyone well enough to tell them that.”
He was married, and his wife decided to join the date without him knowing. His face was priceless.
I was on a first date at a small restaurant, so the bathrooms were for one person at a time. When I excused myself to go to the bathroom my date asked me if I was just going to pee. When I finally found my voice and said yes, he asked if he could come with me, but just to listen, he didn’t need to watch. Because that’s so much better.
On a blind date, our first conversation started while staring at the fish tank waiting for the table. That made him think of his daughter’s goldfish. I was happy he was so comfortable talking about kids until he got to the punchline.. . In an argument with the daughter he swallowed the fish, alive, in front of her friends. He told her that now no one had to worry about whether or not the fish had been fed. That reminded him of the time he bit an iguana’s head off to make a point or something. All through dinner, I watched him eat and just couldn’t shake the mental image of him getting upset one day and eating my miniature schnauzer!

PS. Which was your favorite “experience?” And, knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?